Horny Hippies

Brandon craves attention, and he's left with people who are always going to give it. I love him like a brother, but Oh Lordy child. I am seeing Cody, and I swear I get butterflies every time I say that. I am so excited. Two weeks exactly and I'll be right were I should be. I have found that I don't care for the people who daily throw "Rwandan lies" in my face. Just tell me what I want to know, just make it simple. I don't want to have to figure you out, I want something simple. I am feeling happy about things right now. Anxiety can kiss my ass.
I am nervous for highschool, but over all I am happy and looking forward to whats infront of me.
I have a thing for Craig Owens. It's a dream, not reality. So, there is nothing to worry about, eh.
I am going to bed for 10 hours of lovely work tomorrow. Sounds like fun.

Just one wish, one person

If God said to me, "Beth, you can have one person back in your life. One person as your friend, and no one will say a single word. You wont get yelled at, you wont get punished, you wont get hurt for having them back. Who do you want that person to be?", I would say Gus. I miss him, I do so much. I don't know what it is about him that makes me feel like I need him as a friend. He was always there for me, he really was. No one understood, I felt, like he did. I know I say Cody is that one person, but the one thing that is different about Gus is I felt like he meant what he said. He gave it to you straight. If he liked someone, he would say. If it was five million people he liked, he would say. I felt like I knew I wouldn't get cheated on, like I didn't have to ask my friends if anything was going down, because I already new. Nothing was. I do love him, I do, as a friend.
Is it wrong of me to feel like this about someone else? Am I cheating, but to myself. I don't love Gus in that way. I don't want to have him as all mine, like I want Cody. I want him as my friend, I want just a tiny bit of him. I feel like I am betraying Cody. If he read this I am sure I wouldn't hear the end of it, which is why I am keeping it to myself and the few who read, which I think is just about no one. I haven't told anyone this. I'm doing something wrong, I think..