Two birds stoned at once

I am posting way to many blogs, but this is worth it. BMTH new cd out, but most of all, Chiodos has a new song. I really, really like it. He has an amazing vioce.
11) Are you afraid to say the Nword?
Naggers?
naw?
NUKKA?

Bad news

I have the biggest crush. I feel like such a kid. Karissssa made all this happen <3
-I get annoyed really easily
-The thought of brandon getting ran over scares me the most of everything
-Portions for Fozes by Rilo kiley describes me better then any other song, you should look it up sometime
-Im scared of the dark at places im not comfortable at
-July 2008-September 10 was the hardest time of my life
-When I dont want to remember things, i easily forget them
-Im a quiet person. That is surprising to people who new me a last summer and such
-Mr. silverstien is the scariest person I have ever met
-I dont know my natural haircolor
-my favorite book series the the newmoon series
-My favorite movie is wanted, least favorite is 28 weeks later
-I try not to swear or say the word hate, even when emphasizing something
-I always wear too much black/black eyeliner
-Im always find myself complaining about being cold
-I love cuddling. Its my favorite thing about a relationship
-I only wear skinny jeans
-I dont like green
-I play yellowcar better then anyone else Ive met
-I have really big eyes
-I find the wierdest things funny/interesting
-Michell Davis is audorable
-Garth leaves the best picturecomments, and I barely ever talked to him
-Every guy I have dated has four letters in his name. This new one will change that [:
-I love to dance to absolutely anything
-Monthlies are the grossest thing ever
-I do take birthcontrol
-I am bipolar, i swear
-I dont like getting in the showers, but once im in i dont want to get out
-I cant stand it when people dont reply to messages, just cause im like that
-I am always wearing my peace necklace
-I really like rollarcoasters just for the adrenaline rush
-When people like someone, just tell them. it's a lot easier
-Smoothies are yummy, really yummy
-I love playing galo 3 [as nickkk says]
-Lucky charms are the best cereal


I want to cry.
No, i want to hug you and never let go [:
Cause your my, my true love, my whole world. Please don't throw that away. I'll never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever.I love listening to this song. It makes me want to just cuddle up with you and fall asleep. You make time stop just to make sure I am happy every second of the day. Tonight is dedicated to you, lol. We are going to talk and mess around for a gajilions hours, because I miss you right now. I just talked to you on msn, too. Bleh, school should be over already. I love you babe.

"Stop taking my beanie!"

My friend asked my why your relationship status is engaged. What did you say?! I nocked a girl up once, we had a retarded baby and now we are getting married, but its chill because i love her.
Today was a loooot of fun. I really like this guy. Its wierd because i was telling karissa i think it was going away, and it like grew a huge amount in a few hours. I couldnt tell if we were flirting but im so blind. I have to ask karissa later. My nose kept hurting from it all though. Stupid things.
What if he tells you not to talk to me? Hes not another "you know who" alrighhhty? Bleh, thats terrible. I get so wipped. Its so bad but oh welll. This guy is something new and what i like. Ahh, i have butterflies.
I actually had to look on how to spell luaren, hahah.
Wow! I spelt it wrong, and i didnt realise that until i went back and reread this, then looking at our conversation to check.

My blogs are really pointless and i dont have it up on my myspace anymore. i like the people that read it to be the only ones. there is some dirty stuff in here. Ive changed so much that its shocking.
I was told i am a complete different person in person if that makes sense?
Random facts-
-im dying my hair white blonde
-i am a vegetarian
-my favorite song is your guardian angel but for someone else
-i could live off ramen, even though i can only eat two flavors
-i am really quiet, normaly meaning i am off in space thinking
-i like coffee just because its nice to curle up in a chair and drink
-i could die talking to gus on the phone and id be happy with that
-i only flat iron my hangs
-i am over any person i have dated, or i feel like i am
-i love one person, and i love him to pieces
-i think archel has the cutest hair ever
-i say cute, sorry, like, and not funny way to much
-i dont like jelly, but that is what im called
-i listen to too much metal now
-i deleted any person who started drama, starts drama, or lied/lies to me
-when i like someone, i still feel like i am cheating
-i always wear a beanie because its cute
-im not as stubborn as i used to be
-i change so much, but i am steadying into one final being
-gus is the most amazing person ever
-i love inside jokes and talking about how crazy my life is
-ive been drunk three times but ive never done drugs
-i bake way too much
-my favorite color is red
-i eat either bakepotatoes or fries EVERY day, no lie
-i am happy with my wieght finally
-i dont care about what you think unless i trully care about you
-i think goober, josiah, and schmitty are the cutest people, but i would never be trully attracted to them in a relationship standurd

I drank it all whole

Don't ever talk to him like that again, okay? Seriosly, I know you get attatched easily but you have no right talking to him like that. He means a lot to me and if you are going to be such a dick to him then just bugger off. I dont want anything to do with you if you have no respect for him. You dont even no him. Please, grow up love. If i ever hear about you messing with him again, im going to get at you real bad. I delete everyone that causes any type of drama, which is probally why i havent had any in a long time, and your next. I know im being rude but you had no right to speak to him that way.
If he ever messes with you again, beth, ill tie a bandana around your eyes and show him something called submission. I cant say id be happy about that, but i just liked how the first thing you thought of was how i didnt like to see or hear about people being physicly hurt. You really know me.
Everyone keeps telling me i am way too quiet. Even dr.mills said that. Its always at like..the wrong times too. Thats just me for you, lol. I was also told i have the british accent again and that i say a lot of the words, and i didnt realise that. Im in a wierd mood. I am typing differently. Im the girl version of nick. Im in a poetic mood. lol, That kid cracks me up.
Tonight was interesting. I tried some new things and jeese did they turn out good. I didnt get too much of anything though. Thank you eddie. I actually get along with eddie too, and i hung out with jessica for the first time out of school. It was fun, in a way. Everyone was laughing at my dancing. Schmitty called me his bad luck charm because i always make him loose. I have like this power, and if i say things at the right time, what i say goes. Its hard to understand, ask him. lol, he understands it. I found the two

"So, you want to hang out?"

I always say please dont fight in front of me, because i always worry that itll turn out into something bad. Things happened and resulted in my first bloody nose and blood all over the floor, my legs, arms, clothes, and a gross shower. I cant lean my head back without the reminder that i was punched a couple of times. Ive never been punched before so that was something new.I was hiberventalating for some reason. Or something to do with my breathing. I dont know what happened, but i could speak because i was breathing so hard. I didnt really understand it. I was nocked up pretty bad. I know i know i deserve everything givin to me. The phone call after was pretty intense, but i just couldnt stop smiling. I love you babe. I wrote you a really pretty truth box note. Im sure you it will make you happy. Things have changed so much.
So much for wearing that peace sign, huh? I have to babysit for another three hours, but that gives me time to get ready and clean my room. MovieDay<3.
My dad is up so i am going to bed. I woke up way to early, just to read my messages. Today I am going to the movies. I am excited. I work all next week, which should be fun. [sarcasm] I have to miss small group, though. Im really bummed. Oh well, it happens.
Im tired, and a lot is happening today. <3!

Give me something

If cupid has a gun, hes shooting. Im happy.

You wont believe it

SO!
There is a child molester on the loose. Im sort of scared. There is seven children on his belt. He is apparently on his way to London in a taxi. I hope they find him.

But, be posotive.
The guy I like sent me this:
"i think you are a beautiful girl who deserves a good man(if you dont already got one) PS nice pic i like it ;)"


<3
My day just got 100 times better.

I went to sleep really happy. I love talking on the phone with my peanutbutter. I am so happy him and I are so close as friends. No matter what anyone says. <3
Thank you Babe.

I haven't fallen for you yet

There is so many middle schoolers going to the homecoming. I was like jeese. Andre said he wasnt going anymore whne I told him that. B| I am having the wierdest day and my baby isnt on for me to tell him. I dont want to call him 'cause I get too nervous and I cant really go looking for him. My sister wont stop singing to 30h!3, and Im about to explode if she doesnt stop. I found out last night (thanks to Gabe :) that bring me the horizon is playing in Norwich on the 13.
Oh thank God, he came on.
Brandon made me feel real good yesterday. Hes the best brother that I could ever ask for. Hes there for me through everything. This guy that really likes me is making it all difficult. Thanks for helping me out Brandon. You are the best, you deserve it all.
So, Gabe said I was pretty bogus since I havent gone to a concert, so we are all going together. Im really excited. I have to buy there shirt or a babycakes shirt. New clothes too, lol. My mom made my cry earlier though. She really knows how to put me down and hit it right (that came out wrong) when she wants to. I dont freaking starve myself. I am gaining if anything. I dont care about all that anymore. I am happy eating and living it up to how I want.
I want to crawl up in a ball and stay that


I'm learning. Gus just needs to drill some things in first. Youre doing great.
My day is getting better. Baking chocolate muffins :D
and cute messages from someone who i want.
:0!

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Please, oh please just do it.
If you're sleeping are you dreaming
If your dreaming are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me.

”Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon.
I was just calling to see how you ware doing.
You sounded really uptight last night.
It made me a little nervous, and a l... and... well... it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too.
I just wanted to make sure you were really OK,
And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication.
You know I love you, and...
Take care honey
I know you're under a lot of pressure.
See ya. Bye bye”

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you


If you're sleeping, are you dreaming,
if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me.
I can't believe you actually picked me

Girl: Hey Justin!

Babe, this is our song.

Be careful, now

PHONE CALL TIME TOMORROW :DDD
"Dude theres something I have to say right now!"
"shooot"
"I've been dying to say it for like 2 days"
"are you okay babe?"
"I LOVE YOU BETHANY SO FUCKING MUCH!"

babe you are the best thing ever. you make my heart skip a beat.
I am stoked for tomorrow. talk about blind. today was a lot of fun. the love garu is pretty funny. thanks karissa. [:

not to be mean, but she said hey to you, not me. im not ready. sorry.

I love you and I love you and I love you and I love you and I love you and I love you and I love you.i think its better that you know. [:

He loves everyone, remember that.

I am sorry about writing that blog below about you. I love you like I promised, love.

I like having this secret. I love how things are.
Love
Love
Love

Forever and ever? Ever and ever and ever baby.

This is a really good song. Give it a listen [: I honestly have to say things are the best.



Karma is going to hit you so hard, and I'm going to be here and not even think about it. People will tell me how bad you are, and I'm going to say I don't really care. To be honest, it's true. It's better that way. YOU know it. Goooood luck [:

Listen, love.

I love you beth, I hope you know that I really mean it.
I'm having the worse day, ever. It happens though.
STOP SAYING YOU AREN'T HELPED. you are, so much.

My vioce

Please..

Gus, Kevin, Z, and Ashton you guys better be fucking careful. You've got my stomach full of worry. Tomorrow I am going to be so side-tracked at school.
Be careful!

Where is your mind?

It scares me so much to hear about you not eating just to see me. I am the cause of someone starving. How great am I? I love every single cell in that body of yours, and I care about you as if you were mine. Now eat! Okay? /:
I really am done with this whole impressing stuff. Gus has shown me that I can be myself and yet someone can love my 100% for me. I never understood that until now. I don't mess up with him, I don't argue, I don't do anything. I am doing nothing but be myself and I haven't been so happy in a long time. Thank you Babe.
I am sort of scared, again. I want to see the shreds of him, but I don't want to watch it completely. I know it's wrong but it's just so wrong. Confusing much? I wish I never cared about you, or that you hated me or something. It makes things so much easier. I made up my mind though. I have what I want <3.
I have realised that Eddie means a lot to me, as well. He is like my older brother that I tell everything too. I tell how every single thing that pops in my head. He understands it no matter how confusing it is, [normaly:], and doesn't blow up like I'm used to. He's so calm and fun and understanding. He's going to make me fat with sharing those smoothies and icecreams though..haha. Or how he asks people for there numbo's for me, but they wont give it? I got it in the end. I went to sleep right after. I went to sleep seconds from Gus. :D He's sort of like gus.


Gus is just too amazing, though. [:
Freak-much? HA [:
Gus says:
maddi asked me what I'd do.
Gus says:
if I saw you and you weren't as great as I thought you were.
shut up beth. says:
hmm
shut up beth. says:
what did you say?
Gus says:
haha.
Gus says:
uh oh.
Gus says:
=P
Gus says:
I said.
Gus says:
There's no way she won't be as great as I think. She'll be the best. maybe a little shy at first but I'd spend the whole day with her because it's fucking beth. My jelly and my dollface. The girl I look forward to talking to everyday and look forward to seeing more than anyone.
shut up beth. says:
: DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
shut up beth. says:
i want o scream of happiness : D
shut up beth. says:
akdjfak;df Gus! you are SO AMAZING
shut up beth. says:
and good to me, and
shut up beth. says:
everything
shut up beth. says:
I promise to try my hardest to be as possbley good to you as I can
shut up beth. says:
and I am sure the second ill see you i might be a little quiet on the talking
shut up beth. says:
but ill give you the BIGGGEST hug EVER [:
shut up beth. says:
cause i cant watit o see you
shut up beth. says:
you make me have butterflies
shut up beth. says:
and os happy : D
shut up beth. says:
aldfkla;sdj <3!
shut up beth. says:
GUS : D

How mean am I?

When I read that last paragraph, I screamed badass inside. Ha, he owns absolutely everything. [:
Yesterday. was so bad, except for the fact that I was super quiet towards the end. I have a feeling why I was, but I was like no! I don't remember who that was with, but when we were all like, "She's just..so! ugly." That was so mean. I can't believe I even went along with it beause normaly I don't say anything about how people look. I really think I don't like this girl. When I got home I had a message, and a talk with PB, and he's going to call me today. So, that automaticly makes today own like crazy, no joke. I can't wait.
I am so happy with how things have turned out in the end. I want! things to be this way, actually. I have everyone that I want and most everything that I need. I didn't loose anything I wanted. If I didn't want something, I don't have it now. I am not always arguing or crying or trying to explain myself. Yupppp.
Today, I have to run. Then, I have homework, and then I am just talking to people on here. I feel bad that things didn't work out with Carly, but I think it'll be okay. Tomorrow's club as well, and I get to see eevveerryyoonnnee. I think more people are going to be coming this time, too. I hope so.
I am being teased by Z for my grades. A's are good, okay? LOL! I am pretty happy we are cool again. I need that kid.
That's all for now.


I tell him everything that goes on in my life.
starstorm270@yahoo.com says:so how you doing
shut up beth. says:i am pretty good
shut up beth. says:the ex and i are officallly over, FINALLY : D
starstorm270@yahoo.com says:?????
shut up beth. says:like
shut up beth. says:i'm done. i'm finished
shut up beth. says:lol
starstorm270@yahoo.com says:with cody or what?
shut up beth. says:ha
shut up beth. says:ya
shut up beth. says:[ :
starstorm270@yahoo.com says:wait..i thought you guys were over for ever ago
starstorm270@yahoo.com says:or what?
shut up beth. says:like
shut up beth. says:well, he got back form the states right
shut up beth. says:and he waslike
shut up beth. says:i missed you like crazy and i love you so much
starstorm270@yahoo.com says:how the fuck does that work
starstorm270@yahoo.com says:he doesnt even see you or anything
shut up beth. says:and in the end, we already aguid a bit
shut up beth. says:and i was like
shut up beth. says:i dont want this shit anymore
starstorm270@yahoo.com says:and doesnt he say that he loves everyone?
shut up beth. says:and i dont wnat him
shut up beth. says:HAHAHAHAHAH!
shut up beth. says:that's what I! said
shut up beth. says:omfg!
starstorm270@yahoo.com says:yuiugad;igud igydzvk

Whoes hand are you going to take, Beth?

What if I died right now? What if I jumped off the tallest, closest building, or there was a fire while I was sleeping, and I burned to ashes. What if I walked out side and crossing a street and a car ran over me? What if they found out I had cancer and I only had another day or two to live? What if someone found me while I was walking home and kidnapped me for ever? You are so busy being so bi-polar and confusing that you didn't even think that maybe I would decide to leave you. That maybe I am not going sit here until you are ready to decide for yourself. You didn't know what I have just as much power as you did in this situation. What if I don't want you at all anymore? I am only going to take this for so much time, and eventually I am just going to leave you for good, and I am about to. Any second from now I am going to tell you I don't care anymore. I don't want you, your lies, or all your dumb words. I don't want to sit there and argue with you, watch what I say, and try to impress you.
I know who I want now, and it's not you anymore.


did you know how much you meant to me? oh no. did you know i still carry the memories? oh no. did you know that for me, letting go wasn't easy? oh no, no you don't. do you still listen to our lullaby? oh no. does it help you get to sleep at night? oh no. are you singing along by the pale moonlight? oh no, no you don't. i just need a bit more time to get you off my mind tonight. i'm thinking of your bright blue eyes, brighter than the stars that lit the skies... an angel in disguise. i just need a bit more time, i want to hold you in my arms tonight. i can't forget those bright blue eyes, can't forget the moment they met mine... please turn back the time.
good song. ha, jellybelly and peanutbutter do it better.

Strong as a tank.

shush beth says:
Well, I hope that girl does good and that she never hurts you [:
shush beth says:
at all, 'cause ill know shell try hard not too
Gus says:
she won't hurt me.
Gus says:
I'm still a tank and no matter what she does she cant screw it up.
shush beth says:
I sure as hell hope so
shush beth says:
realllly! hope
Gus says:
why does this girl think she could lose me as a friend/
shush beth says:
cause this girl is the biggest freaking screw up to walk this earth. she cant never ever keep something good for long
Gus says:
Well this guy thinks this girl is the biggest work of perfection to walk this earth. and she can keep him as long as she wants.
shush beth says:
then I am keeping you forever [:

he's a beast, to die for, fucking amazing. everything [:

This is me

I would never, ever be here with out Gus. I never thought I could get this far. Thank you, babe, once again. You have no idea how much you have helped.
[: