Meet my new best friend. The best thing to step in my life.

Gus says:you have no idea how strongly you've impacted my weekend.
shush beth says:did i really?
shush beth says:i am sooo happy that i met you
Gus says:Dollface you we're my weekend haha.
Gus says:and I'm extremely happy I met you
shush beth says:I am extremely happy too [:
shush beth says:you are so amazing good to me
shush beth says:and like my bestESTest friend ever
shush beth says:And i barely no you
shush beth says:but that has to change [:
Gus says:yes it does.
Gus says:I will never be bad to you.
Gus says:no matter what =)
shush beth says:aww
shush beth says:and i will try my best to never hurt or upset you
shush beth says:i can't promise anything, to be honest..i have a bad habit of screwing things up
shush beth says:but i swear im going to try my hardest
Gus says:Beth I don't think you could ever screw up with me.
Gus says:I have a bad habit.
Gus says:Of never getting mad or upset as someone who means a lot to me.
I don't think I know a single person who has been so good to me. I care about him so much, already. I miss it when he's not online, and I am. Thank you, Gus, really.

Do it

hibethany@live.com

Please add. Thank you. [:
I don't want some of the people on my old acount.

I mean it

Sean Lovett, you are a lucky bitch. Rub it in, rub it in. haaa
I hate going to the stupid church thing and then finding out all they do is talk about relationships. I don't want to talk about my ex. It's so lame. No one cares, and stuff. I hadn't for an entire week. Then Karissa got my crying. How good is that? I had the lamest dreams as well. I killed a baby, and my ex and mine family thing. I woke up all pissed, lol.
Today's Friday, though. Kopecky's house, I think.
:D




Oh, and I really think I like this guy.
[:

I mean it. You are the best I've had. I mean it.

babe, babe, and babe
Kevin, Brandon [9th grader], and Zerias; right now you guys are my three favorite people.
I love you three, you make me smile real wide. Thank you for everything. Oh, and I really have to sort things out between you three. Which was a lot easier then I though. Thank you Zerias.
Honestly, I think what I like about you most is the way you make me feel. And the way I know what I will feel.

Dr. Mills seems intimidating or something. How lame does that sound? My classes are:
1-Art
2-Science
3-English
4-Spanish II
5-Video Production
6-Algebra I
7-U.S. History
My classes seem cool so far.
I ate two apples for supper, and I am completely full. I'm not going on some lame diet or anything. I couldn't find anything good. No ramen, in other words. It sucks.
I fell asleep with no problem..finally. I didn't lay there for an hour or two just to think or anything. It was nice. I had the wierdest dreams though. It was really awkward.
I have to finish getting ready for school. That's all for now.

It's not the color, it's the over all picture

I want to say that nothing in this blog is intended to start drama. This is mainly to those two girls that wont leave me alone, or stop talking about me..?

My first day of school was really good. My scheduale is all funny, but when I get it sorted out I will write it down on here. I am in Algebra I and Spanish II, though. That means that if I do super well in those two classes, I will have three credits completed for highschool before I even hit highschool. That is pretty cool, lol.
I was thinking about something Sammy told me last night. That was that I shouldn't rely on a guy to make me happy, and I do like crazy. It's normaly Zerias or Brandon, 'cause my ex sort of sucks at it now. [No offense Cody :] I noticed that I rely on a lot of girls, too, which is better. Now that school is back I am sure I will become better friends with a lot of the people there. Elisabeth and I are already pretty close.
This whole eating no white or red meat thing is harder then I thought. It is not that bad though. I really don't want to loose any weight from it though. I think Brandon and Carly have finally convinced me that I am not that! bad. I can still eat seafood, and I do a lot now. It is pretty cool because not Stephany, Keily, and Maira are the same thing. I found that real funny, lmfao.
Oh, and I met this kid yesterday. Brandon. He is pretty freaking awesome. He is so sweet to me. I wish he lived closer >:/. It sucks so bad. I can't wait to see him, haha. Funfunfun.
Oh, and I didn't choose this color 'cause it was the ex's favorite. Okay? I hate explaining that.

That is all :']

There is more then just the frame.

"That guy totally checked you out, Beth!"
My little sister talks really preppy-like. She is a pain, but over all not so bad.
My hair is now black. It is different. Everyone so far seems to like it. Zerias' opinion matters most.

Get to know him. Okay?

7.
What's his/her favorite show?
He watches more T.V. then I ever will.

9.
Will you marry him/her?
No


11.
What is his/her favorite food?
NO!
It's spaghetti

Oh, and yes
his birthday is the 2nd of November
[:

Don't get on and on about the stocking. There is a reason you are here even though you are deleted, right?
I just read it, and I wanted to tell you what was wrong.
Okay?

There was not one misspelled word

I know that when she writes a blog, she never writes it to please anyone else. Every word that she wrote, though, made my stomach turn and turn. It is as though she is writing what in a year I will be going through. I hope that it doesn't last that long. That years and years to come I am still going to think about you every second. I couldn't deal with that for that long. It's really wierd. One second I am so happy about the situation, and I love being what I am that I am. Then, the next second, I'm just blah.
I just want someone new. I want someone to take my mind off of you, and all of this. I found some friends that help and I love them so much. Maybe I am just too scared of getting hurt again. Or maybe it's just that I don't want to move on. It's so hard when every day I still get the reminder of how you feel. How much you care and love me. I don't want you to. I want to be the one left on the curb. I feel so alone and yet I know that I have everyone, more people then I had before this happened. Maybe it is just the feeling of the moment. I think so hard about everything even though I tell myself not to. Yet, when I don't, I feel like I am making a mistake in one way or another. I don't want to be pushed around so much, but I allow it. I allow it to happen to me all over again and again. So, right now I am going crazy and I am worrying. What if something happens to you. What if this is all permanent.
I hate anxiety. Fuck you.


I really need to start taking Kev's advice. I am so dumb.

bombbombbomb[:

Today was crap loadz of fun [:
Eddie, I could NOT stop laughing. You are the bestestetetstetsetesttstest
Tony is funnnnnnnnnAY, but super mean! :D, even though everyone sort of agrees /:
Brannndooooooo needs to STOP tickling, cause it is nerver wrecking, looolllzz
:D, ilovemybbroother

that's all [:

Today

Today was soooo wierd. Jeese
I don't see why guys always hurt themselves, or people in general. It is as though they think that hurting themselves makes the situation better. >:/
No, it doesn't.
I was scared like crazy all the time today, as well

I was thinkingggg about stuffff today
I am going to break all the promises I have ever made during the past seven months
It is easier to let things go if I do
I wont be the same person, or something
/:
What's the point in keeping them if the other already broke them all?
It's not a good thing
But ChrisSSTTOOEKK is going to help me out
[don't take that perverted in any way :]

anyWAYZ, Tonight we are having a second sleep over. I love them [:
We are so jakkkked up,
HAHAH!

Email[:

I am super bored at the moment
and willling to talk to anyone
lol, This is a baaaaaaaaaaaad habbit that I have gotten into
I need to get outside before five o'clock

I barely slept last night /:
So tonight should be rather interesting

But! anways
make sure you add my new email
it's on my MYSPACE

TALKTALKTALK:D

I'm sorry

This is terrible and I am so sorry



I wish someone would talk to me just to talk to me

just to help me out, take my mind off of this

This is almost unbearable

Help /:

Tell me what you think [:

I actually didn't post one for a day. Ay, first for everything.
Yesterday I beat my record in Halo of kills. I don't really want to say how many, though. I suck big ballz in that game. [Please, believe me Michael :]
I really like being single now, and I am over most of the crap that has happened. I am happy that it did, I learned a lot from all of it.

I am actually looking forward for school starting AND DYING MY HAIR! I need everyones oppinion on what I am doing. I am hella nervous.
It's going to be like hardcore scence. Brandon said he would take the blame if I didn't like it, though. So, there is a plus all around.
But, I was told I would look hot, so I am not worrying thaaaaaaaaaaattt much.
That's all

/:

"Oh, you mean that slimy sleese ball?"

that was an adult
how bad is that?


Anyways, today was pretty fun
I suck at guitar hero though
haha [:

Carly is so much fun

To make things clear

Okay, I wanted to tell everyone this:

There is no more crap talking about my ex

What happened was between him and I. Only the people that were hurt by him have room to say anything.

It's really getting on my nerves, so please stop.

[this does not apply to Zerias or Brandon Kopecky.]

Annnnyways:
My mom is not to big on the idea of gaging my ears. Which..really sucks. Zerias said I should just go ahead and do it, but I am not sure. I might just do it to like 6 or something.
I want to learn to skate too, just for the hell of it. No girls do that so it would be really cool if I was the first. Haha, Zerias said it would be cool too.
My mom just told me the best damn news EVER!
She said that she wants to see if we can go to Germany in October, November time for a holiday, just a break.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! : D
Zerias!

McMickell

Yesterday was loads of fun, except for the fact that I was so tired and I kept spacing out, haha. [:
I love piggy-back rides and when my shoe kept falling off! Or the whole "HOLY WATTTTTTER!" thinnGAY that we had going on. LMFAO
When I got home I wasn't aloud on the computer because my parents were already asleep. I played Halo for a while then I was so tired I was just like forget it, I don't care.
Then! I couldn't sleep. I was thinking for a while and it was not such a bad thing that I wasn't aloud on. I wouldn't be able to talk to a few people for a few days and I was pretty happy about that.
I woke up and I got a message from Steven and he was telling me about how he is leaving for a few days and that I shouldn't do anything he wouldn't and he loved me and such.
It made me feel so loved and happy. [:
Everything is pretty good and I love it.

You are a bitch, Beth.

I am pretty happy about how things ended. I don't feel the need to try anymore, and that it really is time to move on, and such. So, I really am going to. I am happier about the way I am dealing with things. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Zerias!, Becca, or Julie. Thank you guys so much. [:

I am haning out with Carly and Brando and all of them today. I am pretty stoked 'cause she is real sweet and Brandooooo and I are doing real well.

Oh, and I love the name Zerias has made.
"Little Bitch"
HAHA!

random

I can't find the stupid head phones to listen to music. I think my dad did something with them. Gaa
Things are just getting boring and I sort of want to let go. That sounds terrible, but I really don't care. I want to meet new people real bad and start over. Anyways..


I felt so bad when I woke up this morning. The first thing that popped into my head was when I was at the library with John and Josh and all of them. John, you are so mean.
lol [:

I was also thinking about school for some weird reason. I can't wait to actually like someone in my grade. I doubt that will happen..knowing me. That would be like hella cool though.
I also can't wait for high school, I would already know everyone.
It sucks so many people moved, though. Kopecky will even be gone, dang.
Im'ma miss everyone like crazy. Especially the Kopecky's..I love being over there house.

I want someone new, and someone who treats me better. Someone who I could never get bored talking to, and someone who makes me smile. Oh, and someone who would never hurt me.
I will find him sommmmeeday. [:

I'm lame

I guess I spoke too soon. That is alright, I suppose. I want to take Joe's advice because I know what is right. It's just that there is more then just that. I am relying on false hope and I know it.
I wish I was smart enough to go with what I know. I know I am doing the dumb thing but I do it anyways. I know that it is wrong and that I am being a hypocrite about it all but I do it anyways. I am being used and I know it, but I allow it anyways. That's real smart of me, huh?
I need help or something.

Too fucking bad

I thought I could do this but I can't.
I'm giving up, and that's final.


Zerias, get online now.

gah ]:

It's hard knowing what to do if you want to do what's right
What is right?

wow, Beth

I woke up three or four times while sleeping and two of the times what I went back to sleep I had a dream. They were really wierd and I didn't like them.
This is all really difficult and confusing. I am not sure how much I can deal with it all. It's sort of hard trying to do so many things at once. Blah..

Today I have like no plans yet, except for no one works today, [that I know of], so I will chill over theres then bring us all to the movies. [:


I really can't wait for the next two months to fly by. It's going to beee hoooooot
HAHA

You two

Aaay, believe it or not, the world does not revolve around you. Not everything I type is all about you.
okay?


I'm doing a lot better [:
I have to work on jealousy, but I am not as bad. Julie is actually helping without knowing.
I'm extremely tired and I might go to bed soon.
keep me awake!

]:

Joe said:
okay
Joe said:
first off
Joe said:
calm the fuck down


i EXPLODED

I just thought you should know

I like that I can tell you I Love You.
'caaauuse I mean it Babbbycakezz. BESTBESTTTIIIE<3



two months. [:

shutup, beth

I hate how things are always so difficult. Like, they just can't be simple for once. No one can just like someone, and like them. Or love them, just because they love them. They have to get all serious and technical, and you have to be all perfect and they way they want you to be. They can't just LOVE you, they have to love you and millions of other people, or hate everything about you and like you over all. There is never just two people, there is the couple, and the millions surrounded.
and you can't be perfect, no, you have to be "pissing them off" or "saying the wrong damn thing". Have anyone thought for once they what they say pisses us right off, and what you do and how you act and what you write makes us want to push them off a cliff, but that you hold it all in and say there is nothing wrong. You sit there and complain and BLAHBLAH on how what we are doing is sooooooooooooooooooooooo wrong, but you are doing it right in front of our damn face and you know it!, but no..I am not aloud to say a single thing. because I am wrong for that, I pisss you offfff. i can't be someone you just talk to.
that's another thing, i have to try to talk to you. they can't just SAY it, they have to go all..ajsklj! and such. They wont make it simple either, by doing the right thing. That's the worst thing to. Here you are doing everything wrong and being a complete ass whole apparently, when they are doing a million times worse and being two faced, and like..you have two different people in one body. believe it or not we are not toys, and you cant have us just when you feel like it. that is why we don't rely on you or anything anymore.
but at least you don't sit there and bitch them out for everything they do, when they sit there and get pissed at every single damn word.
you can't just TALK
I am not even in a relationship and I don't want to be, and I'm all jacked up about this.
I like being single, and I like that I am letting go. I like, most of all, that I am not listening to everyone around me and that I am not going back, like most thought I would.


I don't even think this song has a proper video. My babbycakez showed it too me. It's really, really good.

cheeeer me up ):

My stomach is going to blow up


I feel like I am going to be sick..
]:

BabblebabbbleBABBBLE

This is like the fourth one in two days, but I really like writing these. I don't think that many people read them anyways. I like it like that.
I put my name down on the list. I have to remember 309 and 358. That is going to be a while. They are apparently firing some people, though. Anyways, while I was out I met up with my friend who I met the day before I went to Germany. He is brand new and really nice. He asked how the trip went and I just gave a short, simple outline with no complaining or put-downs. He said his opinion on it and we quickly changed the subject. He made me feel like I mattered, though, and that every single thing I was saying wasn't pissing him off. Not many guys are like that. It felt really, really good. I am happy that I was one of the first people to meet him.
I am really happy, and I feel whole again. I also feel like I am not a toy, anymore. I am not used to keep you occupied when others can't. I am not relying on anyone that I need to live. I have my friends but they aren't my life line. I admit that I miss having a boyfriend, but who wouldn't [..meaning girls]. I like the idea of having someone by my side, literally, though. I don't want someone too controlling. I am not complaining or trying to put anyone down. I am glad that I went through what I did. I grew sooooooo much. [:

got it?

ZERIAS IS BOSSSSS [: <33

Once you started, you can't stop

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your sideDidn't I,
didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
You know it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,
You know it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realized what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
Then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other but.

It's not all the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

If you just realize what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
Just realize what I just realized
If you just realize what I just realized
OoOoOOoMissed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now
Realize, realizeRealize, realize


This is a really pretty song, and the lyrics are sweet.
[:

:'D

Thank you Olivia. That made me feel really good. [:
Things are a bit better. I finally gave in, because I am dumb enough to go back to the way things used to be. I sort of want it like that, though. I have Sammy, Olivia [:, Becca, BABYCAKEZ, and Cooooodykins for anything and everything. I am posotive that if I really need it, I have Devon, too.
Things are loads better, and I am starting to feel like I found myself again. I'm single, and I feel good about it. I am sure that when school comes around I will start liking someone again.

Anyways, I want coffee, but I burnt my tounge already, so I want coffee that is cold, haha. [:
Slushhhie time

I have it all back <3

fuck it all

i hate how my mooods are changing so fast
and the people


i don't want to be here anymore
i wish it was easier to give up
and i feel like i have noooo one to talk to anymore ]:
i wish someone would atleast try..

give it to me

I want to go to Germany just to stay over your house for one night. I want to learn to skate, force some lucky charms, and play guitar hero, and a few other things :]]]]]]]]]]
that's what i want.

Great..

I don't know what to type, really. I was really dumb last night. I poured out everything and I shouldn't have. I don't want things to go back to normal, again. I don't want to be hurt or anything. I wish I never started talking. I just wanted to hear a few words, and in the end we didn't even say them. I don't know if what anything that was said is even true.
I don't know what to do ]:

things are better, loadz better

today was fun
i spent the ENTIRE day with brandon
and yesterday, i went to this huge BBQ, and everyone got drunk [the adults]
it was so mucchhchhchch fun <3

oh, and i love rockbannnnd

?'z

"What did you do? I tried pain killers."
"What if I told you I liked you?"
"Did you see those guys in the car? All of them were staring at you."
"Do you want me? I want to know. I will wait for you."
"Who do you like?"
"Do you want a cigg?"
"Can you show me your boobz?"
"Do you want to know what it feels like?"
"Hey, do you want to go and get drunk too?"