Dear God, where are you?

I am more determined then most realize to make this summer a good one. I am obsessed with my happiness and myself becoming everything of the word. I am going to do it with, or without Cody. With or without Gus. I am going to do it though. This Tuesday I did the unexpected, the one thing I thought I would never do. The unexpected carried on to the next day and I can't say I am the happiest about it because it has got me wanting it. It's not mine to want though. You, you are not mine to want.

Cody said today that God hates him, and that he can never be happy. I want his happiness. I want his love and to love him. I want him to be happy more then I want myself to be happy. I wish he new that. I wish he new that if he was with someone else, it would hurt. If it meant him happiness, it would be a hurt I am willing to feel. I wish he new that. I wish he would understand. I love him very much.

England has had the most confusing weather, but it is England, of course. I went to Greece for two weeks and got the most lovely tan. I am not going to hide the tan but show it off of course. I never liked my figure, my body, or anything about myself for that matter. So, now that I do I am going to make sure everyone knows when they see me. I have a nice tan.

I am finding happiness in things I shouldn't. God says no, but I keep saying yes. Why? Because I want it.
I need to listen to Joe.
I need to trust him.